Touch my heart, feel the hurt, it's destroying me
I've tried, but I can't seem to shake her memory
Touch my heart, feel the hurt, the pain and misery
And tell me again what love can do for me.

If you lived in my world awhile
You'd soon forget how to smile
In my world there's a million ways to cry.

If you had my eyes you could see
How someone changed my destiny
I'm a man who can't live, and yet can't die.

Touch my heart, feel the hurt, it's destroying me
I've tried, but I can't seem to shake her memory
Touch my heart, feel the hurt, the pain and misery
And tell me again what love can do for me.

Touch my heart, feel the hurt, it's destroying me
I've tried, but I can't seem to shake her memory
Touch my heart, feel the hurt, the pain and misery
And tell me again what love can do for me.

I recently began corresponding with a gentleman from Australia. Through  this correspondence he began telling me a heart wrenching story of his childhood and the mother who abandoned him and his brother in 1944 when his father was away in the Army.  Robert was 4 months old and his brother Brian was 2 years old (The names have been changed).  The two brothers were placed in various government and non-government children's institutions over the years.

Robert's Story

Robert grew up never knowing a mother's love, and it was the mention of the song "Touch My Heart" and how he relates the words to his mother that Robert began to tell his story.  He wrote, "I have never had a nursery rhyme read to me.  I have never been tucked into bed and kissed goodnight."  But, he adds, "Do I regret this period in my life.  NO!  It had to be better than living with a woman - a mother, who must have hated us!"

Almost twenty years later in 1963, Robert found his blood mother and tried to find out WHY?  But she never told him.  All he ever wanted was to hear her say the words, "I'm sorry", but he never heard those words, and she died in 2003.  But then, after her death, a Pandora's box was opened.  Robert and Brian learned they had another brother.  This brother was born in 1946 and had been put up for adoption on the day he was born.  This led Robert and Brian on a search to find their younger brother.  After searching for years, they eventually learned that their brother had been killed in action in the jungles of Vietnam in 1968 at the age of 22 years.  Funeral notices in old newspapers eventually led them to their brother's grave.  On the grave today lies a plaque that reads, "Our brother we never knew."

But, this is not the end of Robert's story.  His and Brian's years of living in the children's institutions were not pleasant.   I am now quoting part of a newspaper article Robert sent to me:

"One man would come into the dormitory at night and select a child.  The children were as young as four or five years old, and he would pick one just as if he was choosing an item from a supermarket shelf.  He would take them away and then, as if the child was worthless, he would use them.  They were little children, boys and girls who were vulnerable, with nowhere to go for help. Robert was just one of those children who faced numerous obstacles in order to survive."

Robert recalls, "During these years of my life, allowing I was very young, my memory brings back thoughts of me crying, crying, crying.  Night times were long, lonely and scary with the bigger boys always trying to make life further unpleasant.  For us little kids, many an hour and night we hid under the bed or behind the cold damp cast iron baths in another room across from the dormitory."

Some of the discipline measures used were:  If you wet the bed, you were made to wear a potty strapped around your rear end all day.  If you were seen without a smile on your face, it was into the broom closet for the day 'to make you understand there is too much sadness in the world'.

I recently heard from Robert's brother Brian, and he shared some of his memories and recollections of his childhood.

Brian's Story

During the period approximately, 1946-1950 my brother Robert and I were inmates at several children's centers. Today I have vivid flashes of activities when I see the news about others being treated the same. Now at the age of 61 years of age I do not like talking about or showing my emotions and I hope none of this happens now or will in the future; but somehow I believe within my heart of hearts that it is still happening to this day.

Some of my childhood memories while living in these children's centers include the following:

If you were suspected of being untruthful, swearing (Darn was considered a hanging offence) several drops of Oil of Cloves were placed on your tongue.

Beatings were usually carried out with the back of a hand brush, webbing belt (part of the Nurses uniform), the most common was being hit round the head with the back of the hand or a tin plate but the worst one was the flat of a metal spade used to shovel the coal.

One task allotted us (in turn) was to carry the laundry from the upstairs bathroom to the laundry at the back of the home - down a double flight of stairs and under the corridor and then round past the boiler room - this was generally carried out at night - in the dark - when the staff found it amusing to make the sounds of wolves and barking dogs thus causing the duty carriers to wet their pants - the result of which was to be told to sleep in the wet clothing - on the floor of the dorm with a blanket to cover and the potty the next day - this was a favorite of Nurse Locke.

I remember finding a dead bird in the back playground and when I picked it up discovered it was full of maggots. I did not know what a maggot was and I assumed that these were the little things that made a bird fly. When I asked one of the staff what it was I was made to eat several of them to find out and then locked in the wood shed for the afternoon for playing with "that dirty thing".

I have a batch of memories I would rather not have and most of them are painful to recall - however some of them are:

Being severely beaten for going up to the crèche area to visit my brother Robert.

Being made to have a wee whilst members of the staff watched.

Having to sleep at the feet of overnight councilor visits so they could put their feet on my stomach - I'd rather not mention the other activities which were force on me by the councilors.

Being beaten for helping a 'councilor' to build a log hut out of the fire wood.

Made to go without food for two days at a time (numerous occasions) for various "offences" such as being late for assembly, talking at the table, not standing still when a staff member spoke to you.

As sad as all the above is, Brian made the following comments: "It's nice to hear from someone who is NOT giving me false sympathy and other such rubbish - my life is what it has been; some I have managed to come to terms with, some I have forgotten (out of choice) and the rest I have created for myself, so my current situation, whilst more than a little influenced by past experiences, is how I make it.

I have no secrets or false sense of shame -  what happened, happened, "sa la vie".  I have been in the army; I was one of the first Australians to be a London Bobby, played Santa for kids and traveled to many places and seen too many things to either be sad for myself or have any religious beliefs left.  As Queen Elizabeth 1st used to sign off her letters to Darnley (or was it Raleigh?) "Qui viviens laedit, morte madeteur" (The wounds of life are healed in death)."

I do have to respect and admire both Robert and Brian for moving forward with their lives in spite of their childhood experiences.

~ StinaLisa ~

In 2004 the Australian Senate Community Affairs Committee released an inquiry of the abuse practiced in orphanages or other forms of out-of-home care during the last century.  The Committee received hundreds of graphic and disturbing accounts about the treatment and care experienced by children in out-of-home care.  Their stories outlined a litany of emotional, physical and sexual abuse, and often criminal physical and sexual assault.  Their stories also told of neglect, humiliation and deprivation of food, education and healthcare.  The overwhelming response as to treatment in care, even among those that made positive comments was the lack of love, affection and nurturing that was never provided to young children at critical times during their emotional development.

The following statement is from VANISH, a State Government funded service in Australia.  VANISH offers many services for these neglected children of the past, including support groups:

VANISH provides a formal structure through which to deliver, efficiently and effectively, advice, search and support to any  member of the community who has experienced separation from their family of origin  through adoption, or being placed in an institution / children's home or foster care or through donor conception.

VANISH is situated in Melbourne, Australia, and is a State Government funded service to the adoption community  which commenced in February  1989. In 1995 the service was extended to cover those who have been personally involved in state wardship, institutional and /or foster care.

VANISH staff and volunteers all have a personal experience in search and reunion. We are happy to assist any person undertaking research. We acknowledge you may want privacy and anonymity and we respect the  individual needs of anyone seeking assistance. In Victoria Australia Phone Toll Free  1800334043 or Please visit our web page for more information.

* www.vanish.org.au *

"Life & Inspiration Index"

If you have the time, stop by my home on the web, have a cup of coffee, and see a list of my other web pages.  Please sign my Guestbook so I know you've stopped by.
Thanks!
~ StinaLisa ~

"Touch My Heart"
Words and music by
Johnny Paycheck & A. Mayhew - 1967
Recorded by Ray Price - 1971

The music playing is a condensed version of "Touch My Heart", and is for entertainment, educational and evaluation purposes only. Titles have full copyright by their respective artists and record companies. Please show your support for the artists who gave us this great music by purchasing their CDs.

If you are interested in purchasing a full version copy of "Touch My Heart" by Ray Price, I have provided a link below to Amazon.com. They sell both new and used CDs. I have purchased many used CDs for my web pages and have never had a problem. Amazon also sells MP3 downloads in several categories with single songs ranging from 89 to 99 cents.

Thank you.

©Luvdalot Graphics & Design

June 2006